Have you ever tried smack? Stabbed that needle in your arm and feel a wave of ecstasy over take you?

I haven't.

But I do know it, I have felt it without ever injecting myself with it. I know what it is to throw yourself into madness, to isolate yourself from reason. I too have set aflame all I owned for a flash of brilliance - a flash that never was quite so bright as the first time.

There is an addiction you have as a Browns fan. You knew it long ago...

I have lived my entire life in Ohio. I have seen and heard things that would kill other sports fans. I am aware that if LeBron left Cleveland, many of its fair citizens would develop chronic depression and openly weep.

But it’s not about Cleveland. It’s about LeBron. This is his decision.

This is harsh to say.

But what, exactly, is Cleveland offering that other teams can’t?

Money?

LeBron’s on record as saying winning means...

I woke up this morning and then I drank a gallon of bleach. Then I sent the force of 10,000 electric volts straight into the currents of my brain. After that I pulled out some old rusty razors covered in AIDS blood and tore into my face, giving myself beautiful Joker lips.

But even then it wasn't enough. The punishment, the pain. The neverending vortex of suffering.

I needed to become one with agony. I started running old footage of Cleveland sports teams. As a sadomasochist,...