Crow's "Break Glass" Emergency Bad Football Team Relief Plan

[Crow]

My fellow Americans.

I too realize our team is unable to win games against opponents who can recognize their crotch from a hole in a ground. I feel your pain, up in my million dollar mansion. However, there is no reason to Occupy Berea. Instead, I have come up with a brand new genius plan that will fix everything.

Step 1: Fire all the peoples

Step 2: Draft the quarterback person

Step 3: ???

Step 4: Profit

Hopefully soon this new Freedom Dream Magical Unicorns Pouring Out of My Various Orifices Plan will bring relief to long suffering Browns fans.

But until then, I recommend you get shitfaced. Every Sunday.

Beer heals all wounds, as well as disinfects them.

[King of Kings]

I like it Crow except for the fact Randy Lerner would be in charge of the new hires.

[Crow]

no we will fire randy lerner from being a rich guy

[King of Kings]

Originally Posted by Crow

no we will fire randy lerner from being a rich guy

And offer Bill Belicowher full ownership to run this team?

[Crow]

No we should sell the Browns to Art Modell

[next2nothing]

Let's wait till Art Modell dies then we can hire him and be the first organization run by a zombie.

[Crow]

No! We need results now.

Get me the corpse of Al Davis.

[Vegasdogg]

We should probably just severance out the fired the fans and the media for 2 seasons, and if that doesn't work than implement your plan.

See this is what I don't get - 95% of you guys said we'd win 6, maybe 7 games. I didn't see a ton of 8-8's but there were some.

So.....here were are after 5 games, having lost to OAK and CIN on dumb plays, and a beat down to TEN, and all of a sudden, even though we're pretty much on track for 6-7 wins (I still say 10 wins) and all of a sudden the team needs another firing.

"But it's how we lose." Bullshit, when you lose it's always frustrating, it's always dumb plays that the coaches should prepare for (aside from the CIN play - inexcusable) or its the wheels coming off because we can't win two in a row.

You guys said we'd win 7 games tops (per avg) and yet the season is over because we're 1 game under .500?

Does anyone have a set of balls anymore to stay the course over 16 games? Because not in this town - I don't see it.

[Vegasdogg]

Originally Posted by Crow

No! We need results now.

Get me the corpse of Al Davis.

There are some people that don't get your humor or sarcasm, but one thing I have learned about your postings is that while you're not attached to one regime or philosophy, you don't create a snake just so you can cut off its head. You certainly have a balanced thought process and deal with BS you don't agree with much better than I do.

I am not saying you and I agree on everything, but I am sure I speak for everyone when I say you have a quality about posting that makes this board a lot better. It is specifically why I make very little attempts to disagree with you -- it is hard to do.

All seriousness -- you need to post more.

[next2nothing]

Originally Posted by Vegasdogg

We should probably just severance out the fired the fans and the media for 2 seasons, and if that doesn't work than implement your plan.

See this is what I don't get - 95% of you guys said we'd win 6, maybe 7 games. I didn't see a ton of 8-8's but there were some.

So.....here were are after 5 games, having lost to OAK and CIN on dumb plays, and a beat down to TEN, and all of a sudden, even though we're pretty much on track for 6-7 wins (I still say 10 wins) and all of a sudden the team needs another firing.

"But it's how we lose." Bullshit, when you lose it's always frustrating, it's always dumb plays that the coaches should prepare for (aside from the CIN play - inexcusable) or its the wheels coming off because we can't win two in a row.

You guys said we'd win 7 games tops (per avg) and yet the season is over because we're 1 game under .500?

Does anyone have a set of balls anymore to stay the course over 16 games? Because not in this town - I don't see it.

I'm still saying 7 - 9 at best, but I am not going to rule out finishing over .500 either. I don't think it's that Browns fans are really wanting constant change. It's just very frustrating to watch this team every Sunday sometimes.

I'm still on board of giving McCoy the whole season to evaluate before I say we look for another QB or not and I want to see Shurmur finish the year and remain the head coach going into next season as well. I have scratched my head at some of the decisions by Shurmur but I do want him to succeed here because I want Cleveland to be a winning team. I don't think a lot of the fans who are saying we need to fire Shurmur actually mean it, I think it's just a vent. I mean how can you not say "WTF?" when you see some of the things we see on Sundays?

Plus, we Browns fans are notorious for doom and gloom Mondays.

[Legacy Fan]

Originally Posted by Vegasdogg

"But it's how we lose." Bullshit, when you lose it's always frustrating, it's always dumb plays that the coaches should prepare for (aside from the CIN play - inexcusable) or its the wheels coming off because we can't win two in a row.

You can't separate the 2010 Pitt & Jets losses vs the 2011 Raidahs & Bungles losses?

Because 2010 Pit fan* & 2010 Jet fan were nervous. 2011 Raidah fan & 2011 Bungle fan points and laughs.



*2010 Pit fan was glad that we might be competitive again. So much for that.

[Brown Warrior]

Fuck everything. That's how I feel about the Browns right now. I'll take a break because I've made a few people sad.