Crow's First Annual Draft Predictions

[Crow]

After months under the tutelage of the Great Zomboni, I have learned the secrets of the crystal ball.

The following are GUARANTEED to come true - or your money back!

Tim Tebow Will Go in the First Round

Ben Roethelisburger Will Be Traded to Some Shit Team

We Will Trade Shaun Rodgers - Possibly for a Ham Sandwich

Al Davis will try to shock the world this year by making a good draft selection

The Draft Will End Without Us Obtaining Eric Berry, Jimmy Clausen, Joe Haden, or Earl Thomas

The Rams Will Not Draft Sam Bradford

Ben Roethlisburger Will Rape A Member of His New Front Office

The Bills Will Not Draft in the #9 Slot

Someone will reach for Kafka

Colt McCoy will Slide Into The Third Round Because People Will Confuse Him With That Other McCoy Guy

People Will Remember Matt Cassel Exists

The Bears Will Have A Hard Time Getting Production from Their First and Second Round Draft Picks This Year

Jason Paul Pierce will spontaneously combust upon being dradted

The Bengals Will Draft Someone With Major Character Issues, Proving Once Again That Mike Brown is Satan and Attempting to Fulfill the Necessary Criteria in Order to Break All Seven Seals of the Apocalypse

Lumbergh will post on The Browns Board

Ben Roethlisburger Will Rape Roger Goodell in Their Meeting About Disciplinary Issues

Suh Will Accidentally Kill Someone, Mistaking Them For A Crash Test Dummy

2010 will see the first openly gay quarterback

The Browns will not make a second round selection

We will make at least three trades between now and the end of the draft

Mangini will attempt to trade for Jets players and be denied

Sam Bradford Will Injure His Shoulder In A Failed Attempt to Pose With His New Team's Jersey

[DaBrowns41]

I agree with everything except for Al Davis trying to make a real draft selection. That's just not realistic at all.

[Crow]

Al Davis will attempt to draft JaMarcuss Russell again but later be reminded that it is no longer 2006.

...leading to a last minute, accidental quality decision.

[Dan in Florida]

lol...great stuff

[Legacy Fan]

Ha! Well done.

Rape is never funny, but Big "Rape" Rapelisberger jokes always are.

A quick douchey editing thing: Jason Pierre Paul, not -
Jason

[Shep]

Funny stuff.

[DawgFan]

Originally Posted by Crow

After months under the tutelage of the Great Zomboni, I have learned the secrets of the crystal ball.

The following are GUARANTEED to come true - or your money back!
Ben Roethelisburger Will Be Traded to Some Shit Team
We Will Trade Shaun Rodgers - Possibly for a Ham Sandwich
The Draft Will End Without Us Obtaining Eric Berry, Jimmy Clausen, Joe Haden, or Earl Thomas
The Rams Will Not Draft Sam Bradford
The Bills Will Not Draft in the #9 Slot
The Browns will not make a second round selection
We will make at least three trades between now and the end of the draft

OK, I didn't read this before my mock...so this is funny.

I have Ben to the Bills
We trade Rodgers in a package to get Bradford
We don't get any of Berry/Clausen/Haden/Thomas
Rams pass on Bradford
We trade our 2nd for another 1st (McCourty)
We have 2 trades in the first round alone

Talk about great (ummm...well, whatever) minds thinking alike!!!

[Crow]

Originally Posted by DawgFan

Talk about great (ummm...well, whatever) minds thinking alike!!!

You use science.

I sell newspapers.

[DaBrowns41]

The irony of this is the fact that Al Davis actually made a great draft selection.

FML.

[Crow]

I spent 0 seconds of research doing this mock, too.