Poll: Pick which owner you think is THE CRAPPIEST. ">" being higher suck quality.

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Thread: The Ultimate NFL Owner Face Off: Bracket One

  1. #1
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    Default The Ultimate NFL Owner Face Off: Bracket One

    Everyone loves brackets, tournaments, fighting.

    With a lockout looming, a lot of thought is being placed into the owners, what they're thinking.

    Personally, it would be great to see a cage match between all the owners, you know, or like a royal rumble. Jerry Jones beating on Mike Brown, trying to toss him over the top rope, battling for better draft position!

    The last owner standing would then get the number one pick over all. (Bud Adams unfortunately would draft #32 every year.) Owners would spend all year bulking up, or if they got too old, hand their franchise to their kids. See, this plan also works as a strategic way to force really OLD owners to retire...and have great ratings. Unfortunately it could lead to HGH abuse between owners.

    But sadly, it will never happen. So we must do this: we will have an ULTIMATE OWNER FACE OFF.

    I have randomized the 32 owners into brackets - vote for the owner you think is WORST. The one that gets the most votes, the crappiest of the two, will move on - until one is finally crowned "ULTIMATE WORST OWNER EVER."

    We will mail the lucky winner an envelope with 37 cents as a prize and my signature, written with a special quill, that of a crow. I will also poop in the envelope.

  2. #2
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    IMPORTANT NOTICE: Due to technical limitations, you have to select a write in vote to vote for Alex Spanos as a crappier owner than Dan Rooney. This, we assure, was completely accidental. Write in votes will be tabulated and in the future, this issue won't come up again.

    Remember, Owner A > Owner B, Owner A is the WORST owner of the two. The one with the most crap like qualities. You are supposed to vote for the WORST of the two.

  3. #3
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    My votes, with pictures, if you need guidance:

    DAN SNYDER



    VERSUS

    BUD ADAMS



    MY TAKE: Dan Snyder can't figure out that drafting is good. And I don't really like his pretzels. Adams is just boring and mediocre.

    MALCOLM GLAZER



    VERSUS

    STAN KROENKE



    MY TAKE: Stan gets a break because he's new and Malcolm can't sell out games with a playoff contender team, so Malcom gets the vote. I also feel bad for Stan because he owns the Rams - you like, have to live in Missouri then.

    YORK FAMILY



    VERSUS

    PAUL ALLEN



    MY TAKE: Terrible teeth or overseriousness...oh wait. The York Family has presided taking a franchise from five championships to joke. York Family.

    JEFF LURIE



    VERSUS

    SKELETOR



    MY TAKE: Skeletor is not qualified to run a football franchise.

    ROBERT WOOD JOHNSON IV



    VERSUS

    MARA & TISCH



    MY TAKE: While Mara & Tisch look like a possible stand-in couple for "REALLY OLD AND DUMB AND DUMBER," Robert Wood Johnson IV is just too pretentious of a name. He can't be a good owner.

    ROBERT KRAFT



    VERSUS

    TOM BENSON



    MY TAKE: I was tempted to vote for Kraft because he sells fucking macroni for a living, but Tom Benson just hasn't accomplished as much as Kraft. Besides, until recently, the Saints were the bagmasters.

    ZYGI WILF



    VERSUS

    STEPHEN M. ROSS



    MY TAKE: As tempted as I was to vote for the guy who thought Childress was a great coach, Stephen M. Ross just tried to get a new coach without firing his coach, then decided to extend that coach. Then hire Brian Daboll...all because of jealous from the Miami Heat. You see, Miami may have taken LeBron from us, but we gave them Daboll. That's like having somebody taking a lot of money from you, but giving them herpes in exchange. Really, you ultimately win.

    CLARK HUNT



    VERSUS

    WAYNE WEAVER



    MY TAKE: One is attempting to show us he is a ninja, the other is Hannibal Lecter's grandfather. Ninja wannabes are harmless, cannibals are not. Voted for the cannibal, Wayne Weaver.

    ROBERT C. MCNAIR



    VERSUS

    JIM IRSAY



    MY TAKE: Random interesting article to go with Jim picture: Link. Oh, and Irsay has won a championship or something? McNair's eyes are too far apart anyway.

    GREEN BAY PACKERS INC.



    VERSUS

    WILLIAM CLAY FORD, SR



    MY TAKE: Ford is synonymous with two things: cars and failure. Ford also isn't a very good football owner.

    PAT BOWLEN



    VERSUS

    JERRY JONES



    MY TAKE: Pat Bowlen is just too sheik. And he has dementia. That hurts when running a franchise. Jerry Jones apparently tries to summon demons, but I am a religiously tolerant person so I can accept that.

    JERRY RICHARDSON



    VERSUS

    MIKE BROWN



    MY TAKE: It's fucking Mike Brown. He's like living blasphemy, an endless piss stream on the Brown legacy. He is a brown dump on the legacy of Paul Brown, really...

    RANDY LERNER



    VERSUS

    VIRGINIA HALAS McCASKEY



    MY TAKE: Oh god.

    RALPH WILSON



    VERSUS

    STEVE BISCIOTTI



    MY TAKE: Steve Bisciotti hasn't led his team to one super bowl trip. Ralph Wilson lead his team to four straight. Wilson also has no rings. So I'm voting for Ralph as crapmaster.

    BILL BIDWILL



    VESUS

    ARTHUR BLANK



    MY TAKE: When I think of Arthur Blank, I think of sexual impotency. When I think of Bill Bidwell, I think of football disaster.

    ALEX SPANOS



    VERSUS

    DAN ROONEY



    MY TAKE: Hey, at least Alex Spanos isn't a big cheater with fake super bowls.
    Last edited by Crow; 01-27-2011 at 12:02 PM.

  4. #4
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    Don't hesitate to post in this great thread. We want to hear your arguments as to who you think sucks!

    Try to convince other people. If you can persuade someone who already voted, I will

    We MUST know - WHO IS THE CRAPPIEST?

    Hell: make your predictions as to who will ultimately win. Make bets with each other, for charity! Spend sleepness nights rolling over in bed, asking yourself which mediocre owner is slightly worse? (A good guideline: which owner would I prefer for MY team?)

    After some votes I'll put up bracket two. Also I'll add wikipedia links to the owner names in case you need to know more about an owner to vote for them. This is a very serious process.

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    This would make a great fighting game. They'd dress in suits colored like their teams colors and have special moves based on their teams best games, like the "Helmet Catch Neckbreaker." It should be realistic though and control like a fighter with a bunch old fat white guys, super unathletic and no dexterity. Attacks would barely inflict damage but health bars would be really low. It would be really innovative.

    Speed would be a high factor for a lot of the characters too probably. Most everyone would be slow, youth would be a huge advantage. Some of the more pathetic characters might have to be given weapons or something, like a ballpoint pen. It probably wouldn't be balanced but that would make the challenge of winning even more fun - just like real football!

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    This was a lot of work but for a just reward.

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    Very nice thread Crow I can tell you put a lot of time and effort into it

    Two big ones I had to disagree on was

    1) Irsay... He may have a superbowl win, but if he doesnt move the colts from Baltimore does Art move the original Browns franchise? A giant what if... and because of that hes pretty crappy in my book.

    and 2) Wayne Weaver is a pretty good owner. The fan base just sucks down here in Jville. The Jaguars are one the cheapest game day tickets in the league. Also, the fact that he actually wants to keep the franchise here instead of bailing is a sign of good owner.

    You can learn a line from a win, and a book from a defeat.~Paul Brown

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    I dont know why the NFL hasnt done something about Al Davis yet, the guy is clearly senile and in no shape to run an NFL franchise

    The time has come! Our Dynasty lies ahead!

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    Quote Originally Posted by PlaygroundLegend View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    I dont know why the NFL hasnt done something about Al Davis yet, the guy is clearly senile and in no shape to run an NFL franchise
    They're probably just waiting for him to die so they don't have to take him to court.
    It's kind of sad when your fanbase is saying "Well maybe it'll be this year for us" and they're not talking about a Superbowl, they're talking about the owner keeling over.
    I know about a dozen Raider fans with that current philosophy.
    You learn something new everyday. Unless you have a brain injury, then it's all pretty much yelling and coloring.

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    Don't know why but this is the first time I read this thread. It made me laugh ...nice work Crow.

    I can't stand it when a player whines to me or his teammates or his wife or the writers or anyone else.
    A whiner is almost always wrong. A winner never whines.
    - Paul Brown

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    When I get some time I'm going to devote effort to this thread. Quite possibly the greatest thing the Internet has ever produced. Nice work Crow.

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    Polls are still open - we take this kind of vote very seriously. :V

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    I vote we let Mark Cuban face Al Davis Mortal Combat style for ownership of the Raiders.

    I believe that we need to thin the herd a bit as well.
    We need to take any owner that hasn't had at least a .500 season once in the past 3 seasons be taken to Terminal Island and face off in a death race against 9 randomly selected pissed off fans willing to own the team as an NFL Network exclusive.
    Couldn't you just see Al Davis driving the Mustang as Frankenstein?
    Learner behind the wheel of the Porsche dodging missiles from Rich in the Truck?
    It'd be sweet!
    You learn something new everyday. Unless you have a brain injury, then it's all pretty much yelling and coloring.

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    Going to start Round 2 tomorrow.

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    Awesome! I had totally forgotten about this dude lol
    BROWNS 2017: FUCK IT, DUDE... LET'S GO BOWLING

    "I just do not get worked up over games anymore. I realized some time ago there is no point in getting worked up over them. I have no control over the outcome, it has no impact on me personally, and I have little to no actual facts to work from on properly analyzing the results." - Masters

    "Don't try to make me feel dumb for my opinion. You can kiss my ass." - MalcolmBrown

    WOOF WOOF WOOF!

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