And so it begins…
It’s been a long, cold off-season. The sun shone, the beach beckoned but there were some sick people still hanging onto a faded dream of greatness in Fantasy Football.
AND NOW IT’S HERE!!!
We had some winners and some losers but it’s already shaping up to be an interesting season.
Without further ado – the matchups:
BernietheKid took on I Heart Freckles in an epic battle. Well, okay, maybe it wasn’t epic but BernietheKid brought everything he had! Kyle Orton, Andre Johnson, and Reggie Wayne led the teams scoring efforts but even those three couldn’t match the mad skillz of Chad Henne. With 87.04 points he led Freckles (and Drew Brees and LeSean McCoy) in a happy romp all over the poor Kid. Some cultures might call that child abuse…we call it shit for luck.
FINAL SCORE: BernietheKid 256.92 I Heart Freckles 482.16
The Believeland Browns gave JJ’s Palookas a bit of a nail biter (you can stop chewing your toenails now, JJ). It was a down and dirty fight to the finish. Believeland was heard chanting “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home”…and he was right. Hakeem Nicks, Ray Rice, and the Baltimore Defense led the scoring for the Believers. As for those big Palookas, I think I saw them down at the local bar dancing a polka carrying Michael Vick, D’Qwell Jackson, and Mark Sanchez on their shoulders while JJ is playing “We are the Champions” on the accordion.
FINAL SCORE: Believeland Browns 267.76 JJ’s Palookas 322.64
Chainsaw Massaquoi lived up to his name as he kinda took the Chainsaw to poor Jax’s Pumpkins and their heads. Chainsaws links included Tom Brady, Wes Welker, and Jason Witten with some zippy scores! Jax got top notch scores from Philip Rivers, Joe Flacco and Brian Urlacher but it just wasn’t enough.
Anyone for some pumpkin pie? I hear Mrs. Chainsaw makes a mean pumpkin pie!
FINAL SCORE: Jax Pumpkin Heads 261.44 Chainsaw Massaquoi 390.47
Waiting for Noodles didn’t have to wait long as the Cribbs and Bloods came to town hungry for Pho (look it up). Matt Forte, Ryan Fitzpatrick, and Cedric Benson were the leading Cribbs and Bloods scorers. Waiting for Noodles can thank Jay Cutler, DeSean Jackson, and Michael Turner for adding some extra flour to their mix!
FINAL SCORE: Cribbs and Bloods 329.10 Waiting for Noodles 319.89
Whipped Cream was hoping for some just dessert this first week of the season…but EVIL Dawg Pound kept his cookies to himself. Deion Branch, Adrian Peterson, and the Chicago Defense were the leading Whippers. Mike Tolbert, Darren McFadden and Matt Hasselbeck kept a tight grip on their EVIL cookies. Most of the players on EVIL Dawg Pound were seen licking the field after the game…but they weren’t sharing their cookies.
FINAL SCORE: Whipped Cream 234.71 EVIL Dawg Pound 327.54
RAC ‘n ROLLS left Arby’s long enough to focus on matters at hand. Floridabrownsbacker demanded all his attention, or well, the part that wasn’t focused on the KFC bucket on the bench. Aaron Rodgers, Matthew Stafford, and Kenny Britt RAC’d and ROLL’d the most points for their ravenous leader. Kevin Kolb, Beanie Wells, and the San Diego Defense held that big old ROLL back as long as they could. But alas, when they want their Arby’s and Krispy Kreme’s ain’t no one gonna stop RAC ‘n ROLLS!
FINAL SCORE: RAC ‘n ROLLS 405.14 Floridabrownsbacker 256.16
