Watched 2018's The Predator last night. I knew it would be awful, Twitter was aflame with rage when it hit theatres so I was in the mood to watch a terrible movie and did it ever deliver. Like Little Ceasars Pizza, it was hot and ready (and utter garbage).
The plot could not have made less sense if they tried, and they didn't really try. Here's the abridged version (spoiler free). A renegade Predator has come to Earth. A soldier interacted with him, somehow killed him (or Wounded him) and stole his PredatorTech. Fastforward a bit, Other Predators show up (the BIG ones from the last Predators movie with Adrien Brody), they want the rogue Predator. Oh yeah sidetrack, the soldier is a military prisoner all of a sudden and his boy (who is "autistic" and therefore a wonderkid) can somehow use the PredatorTech. So recap (and side note: They don't actually, I'm like 75% sure, tell you the boy is the protagonists son until he's storming in to the house going "WHERE IS MY SON" lmao)
The Boy figures out there's a ship (the one the rogue Predator crashed), and where it is. The Predators know the Boy is messing with their Tech, and want him, AND then they figure out the Boy knows where the ship is. The Government knows the boy can mess with their tech and wants him (because he knows where the ship is). The boy's Dad of course doesn't figure things out until it's almost too late so you've got the rogue soldiers (like a rag-tag bunch of rascals) the government and Olivia Munn ET expert (who eventually says fuck the government and joins the rogue soldiers), AND the Predators all looking for this boy.
Let me tell you if you think this makes no sense, the way they (absolutely fail) tell it in the story is even worse. I feel bad for Shane Black, who wrote the original Predator screenplay, for being saddled with this mess. I think he just said "fuck it, I can make a movie out of this"
So, Pros:
- The movie was very violent and that was all I really wanted
- Thomas Jane and Keegan-Michael Key's soldier characters pretty much saved the movie from being a completely unwatchable shitstorm.
- Somehow, the movie does manage to combine the continuity of ALL the Predator films. Which was kind of cool.
Cons: - Predator Dogs (even the good one... what the fuck lmao)
- Virtually everything else.
I give it ** or 3/10. IF you like Predator, or BAD action movies. This isn't that bad, it makes fun of tons of action and horror movie tropes especially from the 80's so even though it has the glitz and glamour and sub-par SFX you'd expect from a modern day lower budget action flick. It has that kind of charm that some action movies today just don't have. It was a wild ride. It was entertaining but it was fucking awful. Wifey was pissed we "wasted the evening" on it even though I am pretty sure I was explicit that we were about to watch a shit movie.